Age 14: Getting your period on the day you made the ill-advised decision to wear white pants to school.
Age 15: Logging on to discover your little brother secretly filmed you trying to twerk and posted it in your high school’s Facebook group.
Age 16: Leaning over to pick up a pencil in math class and accidentally letting one rip.
Age 17: Texting your dad instead of your best friend after losing your virginity.
Age 18: Waking up on the morning of your prom with this on your face.
Age 19: Getting drunk at a party and breaking your ankle stumbling home.
Age 20: Clicking on the wrong file when giving a power point presentation and projecting a private webcam you made.
Age 21: Waking up on spring break and instantly regretting your choices from the night before.
Age 22: Losing your bikini top coming down a slide at the water park and flashing hundreds of families.
Age 23: Realizing upon leaving a very important job interview that you’d done the whole thing with the back of your skirt tucked into your underwear.
Age 24: Your grandma walking in on you having a quickie while at home for Christmas.
Age 25: Running into your naked boss in the gym locker room and having the world’s most awkward conversation as you get dressed.
Age 26: Finishing up a very important call with a client and signing off by saying, “Love you.”
Age 27: Getting out of the shower to discover the new person you’re dating found your high school yearbook photo.
Age 28: Hitting “reply all” after writing a super snarky response to a company wide email.
Age 29: Getting drunk at your best friend’s wedding, crying in the bathroom that everyone is getting married but you, and then sloppily making out with the prematurely balding groomsman.
Age 30: Trying to do Beyonce’s latest moves at the office party and accidentally breaking a co-worker’s nose.
Age 31: Your maid of honor pulling skeletons out of your closet in front of hundreds of guests.
Age 32: Asking your new neighbor when she’s due and being told that she’s not pregnant.
Age 33: Walking onstage to give a speech in front of the whole company and falling flat on your face.
Age 34: Pooping when trying to push out the baby during childbirth.
Age 35: Going out with your friends for the first time post-baby and not realizing until you get home that your breasts leaked through your blouse.
Age 36: Giving a long monologue to a friend about why you’re so glad she broke up with her annoying boyfriend only to learn they got back together.
Age 37: Your toddler finding your vibrator and handing it to a guest in the middle of a dinner party.
Age 38: Saying, “Who is Lorde?” “What is Tinder?” and “How does a Snapchat work exactly?” in less than three minutes with younger coworkers.
Age 39: Going in for a pap smear and seeing this is the gynecologist seconds before he says, “Put your feet in the stirrups.”
Age 40: Your six-year-old seeing a man with titanium legs at the supermarket and saying, “Look! A robot!”
Just kidding! The embarrassment continues as long as you’re lucky enough to walk this earth.